As more people attach pronouns to their names (“she/her,” “they, their,” et al.), both in print and when speaking — intended as a way of respecting and “normalizing” pronoun preferences beyond the simple binary of “he” and “she” — I’ve come to recognize a certain awkwardness in one of the common variations: the use of the plural “they, them, their.” In my mother tongue, Ukrainian (and in a few other languages I know), the plural “they” (“ви, вам, вас, вони, їх, їм”) is reserved for respectful speech toward and in deference to elders, rather like the old-fashioned word “thou” in English. Asking to be referred to as an elder feels inappropriate, especially when the request comes from someone far from being an elder.
At the same time, I recognize that I (and I think I’m not alone here) do not necessarily want to have to announce my sexual identity whenever I speak. It’s my business, something to protect perhaps and to reveal selectively, but not to flaunt. My solution to this double dilemma, however, is not to do away with a respectful practice — respectful both to those who prefer neutral terminology and to elders and others deserving of respect. Instead, I would like to propose that we normalize the plural by making it available to everyone. We are all “they,” and we are all “we.” (After all, we also don’t want to reaffirm the dichotomy between “us” and “them,” do we?)
Coincidentally, this would allow us to respect the plurality of each of us — something a growing group of philosophers and psychologists have argued is naturally the case. Human individuality is singular in principle — a principle our highly individualistic society prizes — but in practice this individuality, and especially modern, neoliberal hyperindividuality, is both an achievement and, in a cross-cultural sense, something of an aberration. Most societies have traditionally valued harmony, belonging, togetherness, and solidarity at least as much as they have valued individuality.
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