{"id":35,"date":"2020-04-07T15:16:21","date_gmt":"2020-04-07T19:16:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.uvm.edu\/jkarson-digitalarts\/?p=35"},"modified":"2020-04-09T10:00:12","modified_gmt":"2020-04-09T14:00:12","slug":"impossible-instructions","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.uvm.edu\/jkarson-digitalarts\/2020\/04\/07\/impossible-instructions\/","title":{"rendered":"Impossible Instructions"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

DISCLAIMER: <\/strong>These instructions are meant to be impossible. Some are physically impossible. Some are socially improbable. Most are ridiculous. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Plant<\/strong>
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

plant a thought in your friend\u2019s head,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

take em outside<\/p>\n\n\n\n

don’t forget to water<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(check back for growth)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

growth = gain<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stop<\/strong>
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

quit talkin shit,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

thanks<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pretty Cheap <\/strong>
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

buy happiness (check for sale prices)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

or<\/p>\n\n\n\n

invest in sadness today (stocks are at record lows)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Carry On<\/strong>
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

if you\u2019re not content<\/p>\n\n\n\n

with the contents<\/p>\n\n\n\n

of your continent<\/p>\n\n\n\n

your proper context may be in contention!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

contact your local charisma contractor<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(common call rates may apply)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

and continue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

$99.99<\/strong>
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

be the star<\/p>\n\n\n\n

of your own<\/p>\n\n\n\n

infomercial <\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In <\/strong>
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

tired of giving up?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

try taking down.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Taxes<\/strong>
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

email your dean<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ask em why school costs so much<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Taxes 2<\/strong>
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

burn something you love<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(money)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Careful<\/strong>
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

don\u2019t <\/p>\n\n\n\n

think too much<\/p>\n\n\n\n

but<\/p>\n\n\n\n

don\u2019t <\/p>\n\n\n\n

think too little<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Show Don’t Tell<\/strong>
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

read a book with<\/p>\n\n\n\n

your eyes closed<\/p>\n\n\n\n

it helps with<\/p>\n\n\n\n

visualization<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Taxes 3<\/strong>
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

don\u2019t file your taxes<\/p>\n\n\n\n

see what happens<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Waste<\/strong>
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

don’t waste food<\/p>\n\n\n\n

stop eating<\/p>\n\n\n\n

it keeps you hungry<\/p>\n\n\n\n

hunger = success 
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

–Jacob Hartman<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

DISCLAIMER: These instructions are meant to be impossible. Some are physically impossible. Some are socially improbable. Most are ridiculous. Plant plant a thought in your friend\u2019s head, take em outside don’t forget to water (check back for growth) growth = gain Stop quit talkin shit, thanks Pretty Cheap  buy happiness (check for sale prices) or … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “Impossible Instructions”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6029,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[630492],"tags":[632082,633112,632848,163575,631184,632264,632510,344296,631692,631901,631464],"class_list":["post-35","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-scores","tag-632082","tag-goober","tag-goofy","tag-i","tag-made","tag-ohyeh","tag-onlineclass","tag-poems","tag-slime","tag-slimy","tag-wow","entry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.uvm.edu\/jkarson-digitalarts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.uvm.edu\/jkarson-digitalarts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.uvm.edu\/jkarson-digitalarts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.uvm.edu\/jkarson-digitalarts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6029"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.uvm.edu\/jkarson-digitalarts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=35"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/blog.uvm.edu\/jkarson-digitalarts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":56,"href":"https:\/\/blog.uvm.edu\/jkarson-digitalarts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35\/revisions\/56"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.uvm.edu\/jkarson-digitalarts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=35"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.uvm.edu\/jkarson-digitalarts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=35"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.uvm.edu\/jkarson-digitalarts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=35"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}