{"id":139,"date":"2013-11-20T10:54:43","date_gmt":"2013-11-20T14:54:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.uvm.edu\/cnhsoss\/?p=139"},"modified":"2015-11-18T13:28:18","modified_gmt":"2015-11-18T17:28:18","slug":"going-home-for-thanksgiving-break-read-this-first","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.uvm.edu\/cnhsoss\/2013\/11\/20\/going-home-for-thanksgiving-break-read-this-first\/","title":{"rendered":"Going home for Thanksgiving break? Read this first."},"content":{"rendered":"

\"turkey\"<\/a>The weeks you\u2019ve spent at UVM since August may seem to have flown by, but you\u2019ve likely gained a whole new sense of independence and responsibility. Moving back in with family for a few days may feel cozy \u2013 and a bit awkward.<\/p>\n

You are, possibly for the first time, in a position of having total control over every minute of your day. And your family is, possibly for the first time, in the position of having no ability to monitor your actions – or help you.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Add stress and distance to the mix, and it has all the makings for a communication breakdown. But there\u2019s good news: you can help communication flow smoothly by setting a calm and mature tone.<\/p>\n

Here are some tips for that post-turkey talk:<\/p>\n

If you need to deliver news your family won\u2019t like to hear (perhaps you failed a test or a class; or you got in trouble):<\/strong><\/p>\n

SAY THIS:<\/strong> \u201cDo you have a minute to talk? Actually, to let me talk for a few minutes first? I just want to get it all out there before you react.\u201d<\/p>\n

DO THIS:<\/strong> Share what happened and acknowledge your role or responsibility for it. If you do, there will be no blaming questions that put you on the defensive. Remember to talk about what comes next. Will you get a tutor? Repeat the class? Go through a judicial process?<\/p>\n

DO NOT DO THIS:<\/strong> Fail to share vital information with people who should know about it.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re making plans that your family won\u2019t be expecting:<\/strong><\/p>\n

SAY THIS:<\/strong> \u201cI know I was planning to come home for Winter Break, but I wanted to talk to you about going to (other place) with (other person\/people). I have thought about it a lot, and I would miss not being home, but I\u2019ll be home three weeks later for Winter Break. I\u2019d really like to be able to do this.\u201d<\/p>\n

DO NOT SAY THIS:<\/strong> \u201cHey, I\u2019m going to New York for Winter Break with some people on my floor.”<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re telling your family why you don\u2019t communicate as frequently or aren\u2019t always available, or explaining why it feels like conversations are often tense:<\/strong><\/p>\n

SAY THIS:<\/strong> \u201cI feel like we\u2019re talking but there\u2019s still tension. What\u2019s really going on? Are you OK?\u201d<\/p>\n

DO THIS:<\/strong> Taking a mature stance is your best option. Helping people \u2013 yes, even your family \u2013 to take a step back and think about what\u2019s really bothering them can help communication get back to normal.<\/p>\n

DO NOT SAY THIS:<\/strong> \u201cWhy are you freaking out all the time?\u201d<\/p>\n

Changing the way you communicate with your family takes some practice \u2013 for you, and for them. Consider talking with an RA, an advisor, or a counselor if you want to think through larger communication issues or try out different ways of asserting your independence while respecting the fact that you\u2019re part of a larger family unit where changes to formerly-usual communication patterns may be difficult.<\/p>\n

Bottom line: There\u2019s no better time to start. Just remember not to talk with your mouth full.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The weeks you\u2019ve spent at UVM since August may seem to have flown by, but you\u2019ve likely gained a whole new sense of independence and responsibility. Moving back in with family for a few days may feel cozy \u2013 and a bit awkward. You are, possibly for the first time, in a position of having […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1595,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[66160,8592,542,1],"tags":[5713],"class_list":["post-139","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-alternatives","category-collaboration","category-events","category-uncategorized","tag-advising"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.uvm.edu\/cnhsoss\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/139","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.uvm.edu\/cnhsoss\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.uvm.edu\/cnhsoss\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.uvm.edu\/cnhsoss\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1595"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.uvm.edu\/cnhsoss\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=139"}],"version-history":[{"count":12,"href":"https:\/\/blog.uvm.edu\/cnhsoss\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/139\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":231,"href":"https:\/\/blog.uvm.edu\/cnhsoss\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/139\/revisions\/231"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.uvm.edu\/cnhsoss\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=139"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.uvm.edu\/cnhsoss\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=139"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.uvm.edu\/cnhsoss\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=139"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}