![\"\"](\"http:\/\/blog.uvm.edu\/capacity\/files\/2011\/07\/NERCRD-TAC2010-016.jpg\")
<\/a>her you\u2019re at a town meeting, a committee meeting, or at the family<\/a> dinner table.<\/p>\n- \n
- Make sure you have the attention of the person you\u2019re speaking to. Eye contact is important. Before you begin, wait a few seconds until everyone is paying attention, then begin.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
- \n
- Be clear and to the point. Avoid rambling; telling long stories; or getting off track.\u00a0 If\u00a0 you find yourself doing this because you\u2019re nervous then try practicing what you want to say ahead of time. Jot down your major points before you begin.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
- \n
- Use \u201cI\u201d statements to explain what you want. For example, instead of saying \u201cWe should \u2026.\u201d try \u201cI would like us to\u2026\u201d instead.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
- \n
- Likewise, avoid \u201cyou\u201d messages\u2014they can make people angry and defensive. For example, \u201cYou make me so mad when you\u2026\u201d or \u201cwhy are you always late\u2026\u201d are statements that should be re-framed before being said out loud.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
- \n
- Avoid the \u2018set-up\u2019 response\u2026This happens when you begin a statement with an assumption about how your listener will respond. For example, \u201cI know you don\u2019t want to hear\u00a0 this\u2026\u201d or \u201cThis is probably going to make you mad\u2026\u201d will program your listener to react negatively to whatever you\u2019re saying. Leaving these set-ups out will greatly improve how others respond to you.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
- \n
- Stay away from words that are ambiguous, easily dismissed or misunderstood. For example, words like \u201cshould\u201d, \u201ccould\u201d, \u201cmight\u201d, and \u201cmaybe\u201d and phrases like \u201cin a few weeks\u201d or \u201clater\u201d or \u201csome other time\u201d leave the listener wide open to interpret what you said in a very different way than what you meant. Don\u2019t be afraid to use strong statements like, \u201cI want\u201d, \u201cI expect\u201d, and \u201cbefore the next meeting\u201d or \u201cI\u2019d like to set a date now\u201d.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
- \n
- When tempers get lost\u2014communication goes nowhere. If you\u2019re feeling very angry or frustrated\u2014take a break, leave the conversation. Come back when you\u2019re able to frame what you want to say in a clear and focused way. Losing control will not help you get your message across\u2014it will only frighten and alienate your listeners.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
Like most things in life these tips don\u2019t come with guarantees\u2014sometimes communication goes wrong no matter how hard you work at it. And the truth is that some people just don’t want to listen. The strategies I outlined above work for me but you might have other tips that work for you. If so, I hope you’ll share them here. Practice does help –and we all have to work at being better at speaking, and listening, everyday in all of our relations.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Like most natural introverts, I really hate speaking in a group settings. So much so that, for years, I let my reluctance keep me from participating in important conversations, voicing good ideas and asking some important questions. Then I decided that my ideas and contributions were as good as a lot of the stuff I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":613,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[23002,18931,22996,1],"tags":[23003,22993,22981,23001],"class_list":["post-116","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-communication","category-conflict-management","category-meeting-facilitation","category-uncategorized","tag-communication-2","tag-conflict-management-2","tag-groups","tag-meeting-management"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.uvm.edu\/capacity\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/116","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.uvm.edu\/capacity\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.uvm.edu\/capacity\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.uvm.edu\/capacity\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/613"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.uvm.edu\/capacity\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=116"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/blog.uvm.edu\/capacity\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/116\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":124,"href":"https:\/\/blog.uvm.edu\/capacity\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/116\/revisions\/124"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.uvm.edu\/capacity\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=116"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.uvm.edu\/capacity\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=116"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.uvm.edu\/capacity\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=116"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
- When tempers get lost\u2014communication goes nowhere. If you\u2019re feeling very angry or frustrated\u2014take a break, leave the conversation. Come back when you\u2019re able to frame what you want to say in a clear and focused way. Losing control will not help you get your message across\u2014it will only frighten and alienate your listeners.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
- Stay away from words that are ambiguous, easily dismissed or misunderstood. For example, words like \u201cshould\u201d, \u201ccould\u201d, \u201cmight\u201d, and \u201cmaybe\u201d and phrases like \u201cin a few weeks\u201d or \u201clater\u201d or \u201csome other time\u201d leave the listener wide open to interpret what you said in a very different way than what you meant. Don\u2019t be afraid to use strong statements like, \u201cI want\u201d, \u201cI expect\u201d, and \u201cbefore the next meeting\u201d or \u201cI\u2019d like to set a date now\u201d.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
- Avoid the \u2018set-up\u2019 response\u2026This happens when you begin a statement with an assumption about how your listener will respond. For example, \u201cI know you don\u2019t want to hear\u00a0 this\u2026\u201d or \u201cThis is probably going to make you mad\u2026\u201d will program your listener to react negatively to whatever you\u2019re saying. Leaving these set-ups out will greatly improve how others respond to you.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
- Likewise, avoid \u201cyou\u201d messages\u2014they can make people angry and defensive. For example, \u201cYou make me so mad when you\u2026\u201d or \u201cwhy are you always late\u2026\u201d are statements that should be re-framed before being said out loud.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
- Use \u201cI\u201d statements to explain what you want. For example, instead of saying \u201cWe should \u2026.\u201d try \u201cI would like us to\u2026\u201d instead.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
- Be clear and to the point. Avoid rambling; telling long stories; or getting off track.\u00a0 If\u00a0 you find yourself doing this because you\u2019re nervous then try practicing what you want to say ahead of time. Jot down your major points before you begin.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n