1.Girl: Will you love me after marriage also?
Boy: This depends on your husband, if he allows me.
2.Doctor: your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you.
3.The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray,
“Take only one. God is watching.”
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”
4.What are the three fastest ways of communication?
Three fastest means of communication in the world.
Tele-phone
Tele-vision
Tell-a-woman.
You still want faster?
(Tell her not to tell anyone )
Stress Reliever #1
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office.
Why?
Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I
look
at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you? ;
Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, “What other
problem can there be greater than this one?”
Stress Reliever #2
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries,
troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It’s very kind of you, darling, But I don’t have any
worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that’s because we aren’t married yet.
Stress Reliever #3
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told
me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy’s lap.
Stress Reliever #4
Wife to husband: “What’s your excuse for coming home at this
time of the night?”
Husband to wife: “Golfing with friends, my dear.”
Wife to husband: “What? At 2 am ?”
Husband to wife: “Yes, We used night clubs.”
Stress Reliever #5
A newly married man asked his wife, “Would you have married me
if my father hadn’t left me a fortune?”
“Honey,” the woman replied sweetly, “I’d have married you NO
MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE”
Stress Reliever #6
Father to son after exam: “let me see your report card.”
Son: “My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his
parents.”
Stress Reliever #7
“How was your blind date?” a college student asked her
roommate.
“Terrible!” the roommate answered.”He showed up in his 1932
Rolls Royce.”
“Wow! That’s a very expensive car. What’s so bad about that?”
“He was the original owner.”
Stress Reliever #8
A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word “beans”
“My father grows beans,” said one student.
“My father cooks beans,” said another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: “We are all human beans”.
Stress Reliever #9
Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as
a
millionaire?”
Millionaire: “I owe everything to my wife.”
Interviewer: “Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before
you married her?”
Millionaire: “A Billionaire”
Stress Reliever #10
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I’ll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.
Stress Reliever #11
A wife asked her husband: “What do you like most in me – my
pretty face or my sexy body?”
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: “I like your
sense of humour…”