Enjoy it’s Joke time

1.Girl: Will you love me after marriage also?

Boy: This depends on your husband, if he allows me.

2.Doctor: your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping pills.

Wife: When must I give them to him?

Doctor: They are for you.

3.The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.

At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray,

“Take only one. God is watching.”

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”

4.What are the three fastest ways of communication?

Three fastest means of communication in the world.

Tele-phone

Tele-vision

Tell-a-woman.

You still want faster?

(Tell her not to tell anyone )

Stress Reliever #1

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office.

Why?

Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I

look

at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you? ;

Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, “What other

problem can there be greater than this one?”

Stress Reliever #2

Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries,

troubles and lighten your burden.

Boy: It’s very kind of you, darling, But I don’t have any

worries or troubles.

Girl: Well that’s because we aren’t married yet.

Stress Reliever #3

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told

me to give up my seat to a lady.

Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.

Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy’s lap.

Stress Reliever #4

Wife to husband: “What’s your excuse for coming home at this

time of the night?”

Husband to wife: “Golfing with friends, my dear.”

Wife to husband: “What? At 2 am ?”

Husband to wife: “Yes, We used night clubs.”

Stress Reliever #5

A newly married man asked his wife, “Would you have married me

if my father hadn’t left me a fortune?”

“Honey,” the woman replied sweetly, “I’d have married you NO

MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE”

Stress Reliever #6

Father to son after exam: “let me see your report card.”

Son: “My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his

parents.”

Stress Reliever #7

“How was your blind date?” a college student asked her

roommate.

“Terrible!” the roommate answered.”He showed up in his 1932

Rolls Royce.”

“Wow! That’s a very expensive car. What’s so bad about that?”

“He was the original owner.”

Stress Reliever #8

A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word “beans”

“My father grows beans,” said one student.

“My father cooks beans,” said another.

Then little Johnny spoke up: “We are all human beans”.

Stress Reliever #9

Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as

a

millionaire?”

Millionaire: “I owe everything to my wife.”

Interviewer: “Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before

you married her?”

Millionaire: “A Billionaire”

Stress Reliever #10

Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I’ll be yours forever.

The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.

Stress Reliever #11

A wife asked her husband: “What do you like most in me – my

pretty face or my sexy body?”

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: “I like your

sense of humour…”

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