1.Girl: Will you love me after marriage also?
Boy: This depends on your husband, if he allows me.
2.Doctor: your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you.
3.The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray,
“Take only one. God is watching.”
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”
4.What are the three fastest ways of communication?
Three fastest means of communication in the world.
You still want faster?
(Tell her not to tell anyone )
Stress Reliever #1
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office.
Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I
at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you? ;
Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, “What other
problem can there be greater than this one?”
Stress Reliever #2
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries,
troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It’s very kind of you, darling, But I don’t have any
worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that’s because we aren’t married yet.
Stress Reliever #3
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told
me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy’s lap.
Stress Reliever #4
Wife to husband: “What’s your excuse for coming home at this
time of the night?”
Husband to wife: “Golfing with friends, my dear.”
Wife to husband: “What? At 2 am ?”
Husband to wife: “Yes, We used night clubs.”
Stress Reliever #5
A newly married man asked his wife, “Would you have married me
if my father hadn’t left me a fortune?”
“Honey,” the woman replied sweetly, “I’d have married you NO
MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE”
Stress Reliever #6
Father to son after exam: “let me see your report card.”
Son: “My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his
Stress Reliever #7
“How was your blind date?” a college student asked her
“Terrible!” the roommate answered.”He showed up in his 1932
“Wow! That’s a very expensive car. What’s so bad about that?”
“He was the original owner.”
Stress Reliever #8
A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word “beans”
“My father grows beans,” said one student.
“My father cooks beans,” said another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: “We are all human beans”.
Stress Reliever #9
Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as
Millionaire: “I owe everything to my wife.”
Interviewer: “Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before
you married her?”
Millionaire: “A Billionaire”
Stress Reliever #10
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I’ll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.
Stress Reliever #11
A wife asked her husband: “What do you like most in me – my
pretty face or my sexy body?”
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: “I like your
sense of humour…”