1 ) Tech Support : “I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.”

Customer : “Ok.”

Tech Support : “Did you get a pop-up menu?”

Customer : “No.”

Tech Support : “Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?”

Customer : “No.”

Tech Support : “Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?”

Customer : “Sure, you told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’.”


2) Customer : “I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message.”

Tech Support : “Did you install the update?”

Customer: “No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?”


3)Customer : “I’m having trouble installing Microsoft Word.”

Tech Support : “Tell me what you’ve done.”

Customer : “I typed ‘A: SETUP’.”

Tech Support : “Ma’am, remove the disk and tell me what it says.”

Customer : “It says ‘[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk’.”

Tech Support : “Insert the MS Word setup disk.”

Customer : “What?”

Tech Support: “Did you buy MS word?”

Customer: “No…”


4).Customer : “Do I need a computer to use your software?”

Tech Support : ?!%#$ (welll pretend to smile)


5). Tech Support : “Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the ‘OK’ button displayed?”

Customer : “Wow. How can you see my screen from there?”

Tech support : ##### ***


6) Tech Support : “What type of computer do you have?”

Customer : “A white one.”

Tech support : ******_____####


7). Tech Support : “What operating system are you running?”

Customer : “Pentium.”

Tech support : ////—–+++


8). Customer : “My computer’s telling me I performed an illegal abortion.”

Tech support : ??????


9).Cus tomer : “I have Microsoft Exploder.”

Tech Support : ?!%#$


10). Customer : “How do I print my voicemail?”

Tech support : ??????


11). Customer : “You’ve got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won’t boot properly.”

Tech Support : “What does it say?”

Customer : “Something about an error and non-system disk.”

Tech Support : “Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?”

Customer : “No, but there’s a sticker saying there’s an Intel inside.”

Tech support : @@@@@


12). Tech Support: “Just call us back if there’s a problem. We’re open 24 hours.”

Customer: “Is that Eastern time?”


13). Tech Support : “What does the screen say now?”

Customer : “It says, ‘Hit ENTER when ready’.”

Tech Support : “Well?”

Customer : “How do I know when it’s ready?”

Tech support : *** —- ++++


The best of the lot

14). A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.

Tech: What’s the problem?

User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.

Tech: (keep quite)

Tech: You’ll need a new power supply.

User: No, I don’t! I just need to change the startup files.

Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You’ll need to replace it.

User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the

problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.

Tech support::

10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.

Tech support:: (hush hush)

Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don’t normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS

command that will fix the problem.

User: I knew it!

Tech : Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes.

10 minutes later.

User : It didn’t work. The power supply is still smoking.

Tech : Well, what version of DOS are you using?

User : MS-DOS 6.22.

Tech : That’s your problem there. That version of DOS didn’t come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes.

1 hour later.

User : I need a new power supply.

Tech support : How did you come to that conclusion?

Tech support : (hush hush)

User : Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.

Tech: Then what did he say?

User: He told me that my power supply isn’t compatible with NOSMOKE.


Hight Of all (Too Good)

15) customer care officer: I need a product identification number right now and may I help u in

finding it out?

Cust: sure

CCO: could u left click on start and do u find ‘My Computer’?

Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?

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