Side effects of alcohol … and remedies!!!
1. Symptom: Cold and humid feet.
Cause: Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the
drink on your feet).
Cure: Maneuver glass until open end is facing upward
2. Symptom: The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause: You’re lying on the floor.
Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.
3. Symptom: The floor looks blurry.
Cause: You’re looking through an empty glass.
Cure: Quickly refill with your favorite beverage.
4. Symptom: The floor is moving.
Cause: You’re being dragged away.
Cure: At least ask where they’re taking you.
5. Symptom: You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause: You have your glass on your ear.
Cure: Stop making a fool of yourself!
6. Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and
the music is very repetitive.
Cause: You’re in an ambulance.
Cure: Don’t move. Let the professionals do their job.
7. Symptom: Your dad and all your brothers are looking funny.
Cause: You’re in the wrong house.
Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house.
LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.
LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.
LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will!
LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.
LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.
“Careful …. CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter.
Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK!
Careful … CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when u’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them.
Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!”
The wife stared at him. “What the hell is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?” The husband calmly replied, “I wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving!!”