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What is B.E?

8 semesters are there

80GB syllabus

80MB we study

80KB we remember

80 Bytes we answer

BINARY marks we get,

The Degree finally we get is BE

That is Brain Empty (B.E)

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room.

One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon

to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the

room’s only window.

The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.

The men talked for hours on end.

They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs,

their involvement in the military service, where they had been on

vacation.

Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up,

he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things

he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed began to live for those one-hour periods

where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity

and color of the world outside.

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake.

Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model

boats.

Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a

fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.

As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the

man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine

the picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing

by.

Although the other man couldn’t hear the band – he could see it. In

his mind’s eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with

descriptive words. Days and weeks passed.

One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths

only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had

died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the

hospital attendants to take the body away.

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be

moved next to the window.

The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was

comfortable, she left him alone.

Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his

first look at the real world outside.

He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed.

It faced a blank wall. The man asked the nurse what could have

compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful

things outside this window.

The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the

wall.

She said, “Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you.”

Epilogue:

“There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations”

“Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled”

“If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can’t buy”

“Today is a gift, that’s why it is called the present.”

A new element called woman

A new element has to be added in the Periodic Table which is recommended by my experienced friend.

Element : Woman

Symbol : Wo

Discoverer : Adam Edenwarden

Atomic mass: Accepted as 53.6 kg; isotopes vary from 35 – 200 kg.

Occurrence : Copious quantities in all urban areas.

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

Surface usually covered with thin painted film

Boils at room Temperature

Freezes without any known reason

Melts if given special treatment

Bitter if incorrectly used

Sweeter under certain conditions

Found in various states, ranging from metals to common ore

Ductile if moulded properly

Yields to pressure under tender touches

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

Have great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious stones and absorbs great quantities of expensive substances

May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason

Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increases by saturation in alcohol

Most powerful money non-reducing agent known to man

COMMON USES:

Highly ornamental, especially in bikes and cars

Can be a great aid to relaxation

Very effective cleaning agent

TESTS:

Pure specimen turns rosy pink when happy

Turns green when placed beside a better specimen

AVAILABLITY:

Available in wide different forms and varieties

Can be easily seen in all busy areas

POTENTIAL HAZARDS:

Highly dangerous except in experienced hands

Illegal to posses more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other

!!! WARNING !!! PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO THIS ELEMENT CAN CAUSE SEVERE FINANCIAL HEMORRHAGE AND MENTAL DISTRESS

1.Girl: Will you love me after marriage also?

Boy: This depends on your husband, if he allows me.

2.Doctor: your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping pills.

Wife: When must I give them to him?

Doctor: They are for you.

3.The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.

At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray,

“Take only one. God is watching.”

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”

4.What are the three fastest ways of communication?

Three fastest means of communication in the world.

Tele-phone

Tele-vision

Tell-a-woman.

You still want faster?

(Tell her not to tell anyone )

Stress Reliever #1

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office.

Why?

Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I

look

at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you? ;

Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, “What other

problem can there be greater than this one?”

Stress Reliever #2

Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries,

troubles and lighten your burden.

Boy: It’s very kind of you, darling, But I don’t have any

worries or troubles.

Girl: Well that’s because we aren’t married yet.

Stress Reliever #3

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told

me to give up my seat to a lady.

Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.

Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy’s lap.

Stress Reliever #4

Wife to husband: “What’s your excuse for coming home at this

time of the night?”

Husband to wife: “Golfing with friends, my dear.”

Wife to husband: “What? At 2 am ?”

Husband to wife: “Yes, We used night clubs.”

Stress Reliever #5

A newly married man asked his wife, “Would you have married me

if my father hadn’t left me a fortune?”

“Honey,” the woman replied sweetly, “I’d have married you NO

MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE”

Stress Reliever #6

Father to son after exam: “let me see your report card.”

Son: “My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his

parents.”

Stress Reliever #7

“How was your blind date?” a college student asked her

roommate.

“Terrible!” the roommate answered.”He showed up in his 1932

Rolls Royce.”

“Wow! That’s a very expensive car. What’s so bad about that?”

“He was the original owner.”

Stress Reliever #8

A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word “beans”

“My father grows beans,” said one student.

“My father cooks beans,” said another.

Then little Johnny spoke up: “We are all human beans”.

Stress Reliever #9

Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as

a

millionaire?”

Millionaire: “I owe everything to my wife.”

Interviewer: “Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before

you married her?”

Millionaire: “A Billionaire”

Stress Reliever #10

Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I’ll be yours forever.

The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.

Stress Reliever #11

A wife asked her husband: “What do you like most in me – my

pretty face or my sexy body?”

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: “I like your

sense of humour…”

Dear Sweetheart:

I can’t send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses. You are

my sweetheart

Your husband

Joe

.

.

.

His wife replied back after some days to her husband:

Dearest sweetheart,

Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.

1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month’s milk.

2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.

3. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses

instead of the rent.

4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him

some other items………..

5. Other expenses 40 kisses

Please don’t worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I

hope I can complete the month using this balance.

Shall I plan same way for next months, Please Advise!!!

Your Sweet Heart

In Hyderabad we have our own little Johnny. His name is Howla.

His father is ambitious to educate Howla.

Howla goes to school in Tappa Chabutra. Its principal was educated in Urdu

high school and claims that he passed tenth class!

There is a school inspection the next day and the conversation is as follows:

Teacher: Kal inispector ayinga. Kochanaa (questions) puchinga.

Sab achaa padkey aau. Koi galath answer deengaa naa tho main

uske pairaan thodtoom.

Howla: Iski maakki. Kyun aara inispector? Kaam nai hai usku? Kya

kochanaa puchta kathey?

Teacher: Abey tereku kaiku re, tu kal school aanaaich nai. Tu tera moo

khola to gaaliaan nikaltey. Tereku main absent nai daalthaum.

Ghar pe baithkey gotiyaan khel. Tu school aayingaa to inispector

ke saamney mere izzat ki biryaani karke khaaingaa tu.

So our Howla is excited, goes home and tells his father that he is not

going to school the next day.

Father: Yeah kyaa hai..ischool hai paan ka dabba hai?

Gaand pe maartaun saale tu ischool nai gaya to.

Howla: Arey Bava, mera teacher bola nakko aao bolke.

Father: Usku akhal hai ? Begum suno! Howla ischool nai jayinga kathey

kal. Agar isney ischool nai gaya to kaise padhinga? Howla, agar

tu kal ischool nahin gaya naa, tere haathan pairaan thod daaltaum.

So Howla cries and finally agrees to go to school.

Next day in school, Teacher is very upset to see Howla back:

Teacher: Arey teri maakki. Nakko aao bole to bhi kaiko aaya re ?

Howla: Mera bava gaand phodtum bola ischool nai gaya to.

Teacher: offo?! Tera bava bola? Theek hai chal. Last bench pe baith aur

inispector aya to chchup jaa. Dikhnaich nai. Kuch bhi gadbad

karinga naa meri noukri lag jayingi.

So Howla goes to sit in the last bench hiding behind a tall guy.

Inspector comes for the visit.

Inspector: Adaab.

Teacher: Adaab saab. Bachen acha padrain saab. Kochchanaa puchey to

answeraan yun bolte.

Inspector: Abaa? Offo! Ithney kilever hai aapke bachchey?

Achchaa, ek bahuth easy sawaal – Hamarey body mein sab se

nazook cheez kaun si hai?

Teacher: Arey Imtiyaz tu bata rey!

Imtiyaz: Saab, Khaleja saab.

Inspector: Aisa! ….. woh kyun?

Imtiyaz: Saab, khaleja hai to sab kuch hota. Agar woh gaya naa, kuch bhi

nahin hota saab.

Inspector: Abaa, kya tez potta hai rey! Aur koi?

Teacher: Arey Akram, tu bata re.

Akram: Saab bheja saab. Bhejey ku khuch bhi hua to kuch yaad nahin rehta

saab. Haathaan pairaan kaam nai karthey, iscooter ku kick bhi nai maar

sakthey saab.

Inspector: Abey Teacher, kya kya padaaraa re inku tu. Chutiye ke jaiseich

answeraan bolrai naa!!

In the meantime Howla is trying very hard to hide but Inspector sees

him. He thinks Howla is hiding because he does not know the answer.

Inspector: Woh last bench pe yun jhuk ke baithaa naa woh pottey ka naam

kya hai?

Teacher: kaun saab? …….Woh! (iski bhain ku, kaiku dikhaa re tu)Woh

Howla hai saab.

Inspector: Howla? Ye kya naam hai? Kahan-kahan se lagaathey re bhai

naamaan! Howla, woh lambu ke peechchey kaiku chchup raa tu?

Howla: Saab main moo khola to teacher maaringi saab.

Inspector: Tereku yaa mereku??

Teacher: Arey kya baath kar reh saab, main kaiku maarthaum aapku. Ye

potta ekdam badmaash hai saab, jhoot bolraa. Abey Howla,

answer maloom hain to bol nai tho khaamoosh baith jaa mere baap

tere pau padthaum.

Howla: Saab sabse nazook cheez apne body mein Gaand hai saab.

Teacher: Allah!! Iney moo khola meri gaand lag gayi re!!!

Inspector: Abey kyaa to bhi bolra re! Sharam kar badon ke saamney

aisaich baathaan karthey! Yeich sikhaaye tumhaarey

amma-bavaa? Gaand kahaan kaa answer hai re?

Howla: Hau saab, gaand ich sabse naazook cheez hai.

Kaiku boletho wahaan pe dilli mein baamb phata …Yahan Hydrabad mein

apni gaand phat thi … ..Yahaan old city mein gadbadaan shuru

hothey…wahaan new city mein sabki gaand phat thi.

Uttaa kaiku saab, main yeh answer bolraun naa, mere teacher ki gaand

phatri dekho!!!!!

Humor #1

Bhagwan ko gussa kab aata hai?

jab koi ladki shadi se pahle pregnant ho,

Aur uski maa bole “HEY BHAGWAN YE TUNE KYA KIYA?”

Humor #2

What’s the similarity between MOBILE and MARRIAGE -

In both caseS you feel “aur thoda ruk jata to accha model milta”

Humor #3

Ek admi sadhu se bola,

meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upay batao.

sadhu bola