So I’ve been struggling with my sexuality for as long as I could remember. I grew up very… I don’t want to say conservatively because that can have different connotations, but traditionally (we went to Church every Sunday, traditional gender roles etc.) which has made accepting my sexuality incredibly difficult. I’ve really always hoped that someday I would just wake up and be “normal”, so that I could grow up, get married and have kids. I’m finally starting to accept that that may not be an option for me and I just feel like I’ve disappointing myself and my parents because of it. Because I’m the oldest child of three and the only son, I’ve always felt a lot of pressure from my parents and to grow up to be everything they expect of me, which really does not help my situation.
However at this point in my life I’m just tired of feeling like I’m hiding who I am and lying to my friends and family. I already live a stressful life with school and what not, and having the constant fear, because fear is really the best word for it, of having to deal with my sexuality has really started to put me over the edge. None of my friends know that I’m gay/ bi (I haven’t truly figured out where I fit on the spectrum yet) and I just feel like I need to tell someone because dealing with this alone has become almost unbearable. I’m just scared that this could possibly make things worse or that my friends could reject me because of it.
While not really a question per say, I’d just like some help on what I should do to make this situation a little easier. I do want to come out, but I just know that because I’m still not comfortable with my sexuality myself yet, it may not be the best time to be telling other people. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, so thanks for your help ahead of time!